How to Control Your Emotions

Learn How to Rise Above Your Emotions

You can learn how to control your emotions by rising above them to the degree of consciousness of your Higher Self that is your True Self. The Laws of Polarity and Vibration tell us that any emotion and its opposite are the same thing only different in degree, and that the one gives rise to the other.

You know from experience, that sometimes you feel happy, and sometimes you feel sad, but that neither emotion lasts forever. The two extremes of all your emotions seamlessly flow into and out of each other courtesy of the Law of Rhythm. To control your emotions, rather than judging any emotion as good and its opposite as bad, you can transcend the opposites and rise above them. Your emotions may be subject to the swing of the pendulum but you need not be at their mercy.

Transcending the Law of Polarity in Emotions

The duality of your emotions may appear to be very real in your day-to-day experience but the Law of Polarity operates only in the Physical and Mental Planes, to which your emotions belong, not in the Spiritual Plane of the I within where All is One. Your Higher Self is the key that opens the door to this Spiritual Plane that is above the opposites and so, is the key to controlling your emotions. Your Higher Self is a Divine Spark of the All-Powerful Absolute. It does not distinguish between good or bad, right or wrong, happy or sad and so on—not because it is unable to do so but because it has no need to. Your True Self is the eternal Observer.

Be the Witness, Not the Puppet

As the Observer, you know how to control your emotions because you are the witness to your experiences from above your emotions rather than the puppet being flung around by the swing of the pendulum between the opposites. This means you can still experience your emotions as your personal self in the Physical Plane and seek to learn the lessons therein with self-awareness, while also knowing that your emotions are but passing illusions of your mental world and that through observation and patience they can be tempered.

Stop Identifying with Your Emotions

When you identify with an emotion you become that emotion, even if temporarily, and then that emotion is in control as it colours all your thoughts and actions. In contrast, by learning how to control your emotions by rising above them and observing your experiences as if from above, then any associated emotions can be tempered.

This is not the same as not having or suppressing your emotions. Controlling your emotions is about changing the way you handle those experiences that trigger extreme emotional reactions within you. By observing your emotions from a higher vantage point, as if observing yourself having those emotions from a distance, you no longer identify with them.

Do Not Fight Your Emotions, Temper Them

Once again, learning how to control your emotions and rise above them does not mean to fight or suppress them. Rising above your emotions is about controlling or tempering both extremes. Stop identifying yourself too closely with your emotional world and don’t let your ever-changing emotions alter your overall mental state, at least not for too long. Refuse to take emotional lows too seriously and likewise, refuse to allow emotional highs (extremes) to define your mental state. In this way, you remain unaffected by fluctuations and you remain largely in control of your emotions. When you don’t take your emotions too seriously, they become less serious and easier to transmute.

Your Perception Triggers Emotion

It's not what happens to you that counts but rather how you perceive that experience, or in other words, the meaning you give to it. Any experience is in itself neutral but your emotions surrounding the experience determine its impact on you, and your emotions are in turn coloured by the core beliefs of your personal belief system. Depending on whether your emotions are positive or negative, so your perception and hence the experience is positive or negative.

Controlling your emotions does not mean that you will never again face any challenges or have difficult days. What matters is how you perceive and deal with those days and the resistance you face when trying to change or calm your mind. Again, whenever possible, refuse to take difficult days too seriously. Deny yourself the misguided comfort of self-pity and trust your Higher Self no matter what is going on. But take it easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up, and remember that things are seldom what they seem, and nothing stays the same forever.

The Power of a Positive Mental State

Learn to control your emotions by consciously choosing to focus on the positive or higher emotions (as much as you can) even when things are not going your way. Know that the good must, by Law, come. Think, speak and act from the knowledge that your mind is one with the All-Powerful Universal Mind; that your mind is Universal Mind. Remember that your outer world circumstances, both wanted and unwanted, are but a reflection of your inner world. When you know this, you realise there is no benefit in holding on to a negative mental state. In contrast, by maintaining a positive mental state, your outer world will start to reflect that positivity through your thought power and the conscious creation process.

Your Sounding Board for Growth

By raising your awareness above your emotions they can become the compass for your growth rather than the stumbling blocks that knock you off course; the sounding board for your growth rather than the noise in your head. By not identifying with any one emotion, you can control and observe it as if studying yourself and your emotional reactions. In this way, you can learn from your negative experiences and change them by changing your perception of them. After all, negative experiences can yield the greatest gifts on your path to greater awareness and changing your self-concept.

As you practice controlling your emotions by being their witness while also keeping your attention on all that is positive with gratitude, the pain associated with your negative emotions will diminish. You may even find that your positive emotions become more enjoyable as you learn to appreciate them more in the moment while not being attached to them. In this way, your emotional world will no longer define you because you will be in control of your emotions.

The Higher, the Lower and the Extreme

There are three types of emotions—the higher (the 'good'), the lower (the 'bad') and the extreme (the 'ugly'). Higher emotions are those emotions that make you feel calm and lift you higher with a sense of motivation and love for life. In contrast, lower emotions weigh you down and make you feel heavy, while most extreme emotions tend to make you lose your sense of objectivity. And to lose your objectivity means to leave your objective conscious mind off guard and to leave your subjective subconscious mind to its own automatic devices and exposed to any message from any source.

Controlling Emotions with Mental Transmutation

Transmuting emotions, known as Mental Transmutation, is about changing negative or lower emotions into their positive or higher equivalents, and the only reason you can do this is because they are different degrees of the same thing. To transmute your emotions consciously focus your mind’s attention on the expression of the desired emotion.

Temper Your Emotions by Avoiding Extremes

Avoid extreme emotions be they positive or negative because they create an equal but opposite imbalance, which in time is likely to be counter-balanced by the Law of Rhythm's pendulum. Instead focus on a more balanced expression of any emotion, which I call Optimal Emotions. For instance, you can transform a feeling of being scared into a feeling of courage, but you don’t want to go from feeling scared to foolish recklessness. And if courage feels extreme given your present state of fear, then focus on feeling safe at first, and take it from there degree by degree. Bear in mind that all emotions when expressed extremely have a negative undertone. Love when expressed extremely can turn into obsession and is just as heavy and weighs you down as much as hate does. Learning how to control your emotions, therefore, is more about learning how to balance them.

The Joy of Knowing Thyself

In pursuit of greater awareness and inner peace, you get to experience a deep sense of joy that comes with remembering who you truly are—the mighty I AM for whom everything is possible under the direction of your will. This joy is born out of truly knowing that nothing can disturb your True Self and that there is nothing to be gained from being attached to the world of shadows that is the 3D Physical Plane. And with this joy comes a deep sense of gratitude for life.

After all, how can you not be joyful when you truly know you are a Divine Spark of The Absolute or God? And in so knowing, that you truly deserve and can attain anything you may desire through your wonderful imagination. Joy is your natural state of being. It is your birthright, and together with love, gratitude and faith is the most fertile soil in which to plant the mental seeds of your deepest desires.


In a nutshell, your physical 3D world experience comes with a wide range of emotions, most of which are triggered by outside events. By learning how to control your emotions, you control your inner world and in turn your outer world. Every emotion is the same in nature and different in degree to its opposite and is subject to the swing of the pendulum, as are all things. While emotions are integral to your experience, you can control them, rise above them and observe them from the higher vantage point of your Higher Self. In so doing, you can stop identifying with your emotions and instead, temper them and in time transmute them into higher expressions of themselves. Endeavour to cultivate joy, love, gratitude and faith as an inner state of being, knowing you can attain what you truly desire because the Real You is One with The Absolute.

Written by Tania Kotsos
Date Published: 30 October 2010
Last Updated: 5 April 2021


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